Another day of anxiety and labor and timings and engagements

Jalsa , Mumbai     Oct 3/4,  2011           Mon/Tue  1 : o7 AM
Another day of anxiety and labor and timings and engagements and commitments to pursue … but at the end of it one that smells of satisfaction and result. No matter where or when, when it comes to the end of the day there must be a desire to come home, in safe and secure surroundings, in domestic bliss of comfort. To be able to do and behave the way you want to without pretense or obligation. It is a feeling of relief of deliverance, of being within ones own territory, without pretensions and protocol. To walk the rooms and corridors without any pre permissions. Ownership is a great quality. A quality that gives us the sense of being in possession of one or something that shall ever remain yours. The home is one such. But comes a time in our lives when this very possession is challenged, when it is considered for in lieu of something else, and that really is the heartbreaker !

A possession that one builds with love affection care and great emotion when threatened causes immense pain and frustration. Yes there were times when it was so. When it became imperative that now was the time to perhaps lose the very edifice that gave us a roof under which to live and thrive and survive. May the Almighty never ever allow such feelings to prevail in the lives of anyone. It is the most destructive and unbearable moment for any one in any circumstance - rich, poor, middle class whatever ! I say this because I went through this moment in my life not so long ago. Your house your little nest built with the greatest of affection is suddenly attached under system notices of it being a guarantee for an offense that could have been committed. But while you shall spend the rest of your life perhaps in trying to disprove this, its ramifications could be extremely severe.

It is not the fact of losing the house, its the embarrassment of the situation and the face one shall have to show to the public. Facing the public or public domain is still for me a treacherous task, one that I would rather avoid than indulge in. I know that in my profession this is an emotion that does not hold any space in our daily lives, but there it is …

When I express myself in all honesty by saying that the nerves and the butterflies still bother me, there is a cynical smug titter that comes through among most. But why ? Are we all such accomplished professionals that public appearances do not bother us. They do ! Which is what I am saying and expressing that feel here today.

Some of the moments of speech when in the presence of public domains, at functions and events that occur show a distinct fear of expressing myself … and so it remains. Remains with us for time immemorial.
There are a few events that shall be coming up soon and my preparation for them is zilch. No I am not over confident of the moment, its just that when there is nothing I know can prevent me from such occurrence I would rather take it on my chest and perform or simply accept defeat and keep my distance from such.
But then for how long ?

Sooner or later because of the situation you find yourself in, things begin to change and the outburst that one may have had reserved for a bigger occasion, actually pours out in a most undefined or unwanted structure. That is regrettable, unwanted, unwarranted and shall often be the cause for a permanent damage to a situation that could well have been avoided.

How ugly their minds must be that allow such feelings to fester within. How much destruction they must be doing as they sit idle inside ready to burst open at the slightest provocation. How damaging this must be to the insides of our system is difficult to gauge. It is this silent yet explosive incendiary that builds up its intensity gradually, and which has the capacity to blow out without warning or spilling out of its consequences.

It may take a long time for it to emerge. Some say this is good others not. I personally do not know what and which is good or bad and so I continue. Continue to perform my chores as is my wont and if it ruffles some feathers, so be it. I should either be forthright or have no right at all.
It would be interesting to read some of the comments on this …
I rest and refrain any further .. with my love to all and more …
Amitabh Bachchan

My apologies for last night and my gratitude to those that have wished well for me Big B

Jalsa , Mumbai       Oct 2, 2011       Sun  8 : 42 PM
My apologies for last night and my gratitude to those that have wished well for me. It never ceases to amaze me how the care and affection throughout the blog and the EF has a constancy about it. You indulgence it matters that concern me personally are a blessing that I cherish and save within the folds of my heart …
Its been a day when I often wonder what others do to keep themselves occupied. To me it has been one of great despair. Nothing to do, nowhere to go and having just no desire at all to do something. Yes there is work pending and hundreds of important issues to tackle and resolve, but the strange thing is that when you have the time, it isn’t time and when you do not, then you do. Which is why they say when you wish something to be done, give it to the person who is most busy for that shall guarantee that it shall be done. I was not busy today and so nothing was done !

But … in those moments of inactivity when I did get down to deciding how my day would be conducted, I discovered that the little that I was doing was in consonance with what eventually my desires would be were I to continue to pursue it. To elaborate, if I was wishing to see a game or a match, the comfort of spending time in front of the box was not entirely disapproved !
And hence the fact that there are two conflicting thoughts that dominate the mind and body was something that I felt was quite strange. I need the liberty and the luxury of nothing to do, but perhaps the intent is barred in a sense, by my desire, or shall I say commitment towards what I may have given.

This is both troubling and enjoyable ! Which in many ways sums up all our experiences in life too. If it were to be simply one sided trouble it would be most destructive for us as beings. If it were to be to the contrary, it would equally be destructive too. How much can one enjoy without courting trouble ?

Hmmm … just setting me up with some thoughts !! Nothing of relevance really but worth considering. For I fear that soon there shall be a condition of either, that I shall or may have to decide upon. When the jobs dry up, when the face is no longer wanted, when what you say and perform is termed undesirable, then …. what ? A book on a couch. A tv programme to look forward to. A game to watch. A grandchild to educate and bring up. A few words to write to those that shall remain faithful. A reflection perhaps on days gone by - pictures, write ups, media reports, letters …

And most importantly the act of dissolving the self to the next .. to give away that which we shall never be able to carry with us forever. Not because they cannot be retained, but because they need to be retained by the next ; by those that shall outlive you.

Okaay … I can sense a huge anger building up among our family of resentment on this mode of conversation and so to divert or remove ourselves away from it let me just be somewhat immodest and put down for you an article written by the one director, who surprisingly is and has turned out to be the one that I can now confess is the one that I have most worked with - seven films ! Even Hrishi Da or Manmohan Desai or Prakash Mehra, or Salim Javed do not measure up to that number ! Quite surprising is it not ? Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I present to you, the one and only - Ram Gopal Varma !!

Why B is Big

In a very bad and not totally darkened theatre (because of the light leaking through some vents and gaps in the closed doors) called Ramapriya in Vijayawada town in Andhra Pradesh, for the first time I consciously began to understand the phenomenon of Amitabh Bachchan.

The film that was playing was Khuddaar and the scene which was going on at that precise moment was, when Amitji learning the lie his own brother told him, barges into the discotheque where his brother is grooving away with a girl. As he shouts at the DJ to stop the music and looks at his brother at the far corner with hurt filled eyes, a gang of vicious looking bouncers move towards him. He looks at them and with an emotion choked voice says that he will break their legs if they try to stop him. There was an audible gasp in the theatre from the viewers as he said this. The interesting point is that none of the guys in the theatre could speak Hindi as Vijayawada is a Telugu speaking town. So what did they connect to? It is just the raw emotions of anger, betrayal, helplessness and above all the hurt he managed to communicate through his body language, his voice and his eyes.

As I looked at the faces of the people sitting in the theatre I could see a tremendous sense of awe, admiration, respect and above all a connectivity in their faces. Each and everyone of his viewers connected to him deeply through the characters he portrayed in his various films. Each and everyone wanted a brother or a friend or a leader like him.

Even after volumes spoken and big fat books written on him, I think it is still very easy to underestimate his incredible influence and his unimaginable impact not only on cinema but also on at least on a couple of generations conscience.

For me Amitji is raw, real and gritty and he hit me like a thunder bolt both as a viewer and as a director. His charisma, his screen presence, his personality made such an impact both on me and millions of others like me unsupported by today’s so-called massive production values. Unlike today’s superstars he never had to hide behind catchy songs or lavish sets or exotic foreign locales etc.

Any random man you pick on the road anywhere in the country, and if you ask him what you remember of Amitabh Bachchan, he is bound to come up with at least a hundred of his favorite scenes, dialogues or moments from Amitji’s various films whereas if asked about any of today’s superstars I doubt that they will remember beyond their hit songs and their films box-office collections.

My biggest desire cinematically was to do a film with him which eventually I realized in Sarkar. In the run up to the making of Sarkar in my several meetings with him I started seeing a very different side of him other than what I only perceived through his films. Behind the obvious power and intensity was a sensitivity and vulnerability and also listening to his thoughts made me sense his incredible versatility as an actor. By that time my proximity to him blinded me as a viewer of him as a star and the filmmaker in me got greedy and dumb enough to experiment with him as an actor which resulted in Nishabd and Aag. It’s not so much only about the quality of those films that I am talking here but it is just the idea of casting him in those roles.

Amitji’s make-up man Deepak told me on day one of shooting of Nishabd that the film will flop because no one is going to accept Amitji in a role like that. Whether that is the reason or not, I for myself as a viewer wouldn’t probably want to see him featured in a role like that. As an actor I think Nishabd is Amitji’s finest performance mainly because of its sheer complexities and it demanded such subtle nuances of reactions, which most of the so-called art-house actors won’t even begin to understand in their life-time let alone portray them. But the question is does one want to see Amitji just as an actor? I for one don’t want to, unless the acting is coming from a certain immensely larger than life perspective.

Similarly in Aag there will be a difference between a viewer’s reaction and my reaction to his performance. As a director I judge an actor by seeing what he does with what is given to him. The viewer sees the final effect of that in the context of the film and hence he cannot have an idea of how I could have screwed it up in the screenplay and how badly I edited it or various other blunders I could have committed. People seeing the film react on the effect, whereas as a director I know the cause.

On the other hand if somebody argues that he had no business to do those films without knowing what he is getting into, yes he is guilty of misplacing his trust in me but he is not guilty of not doing his best which he does invariably better than any other actor can ever even hope to do.

From what I gathered from my association with him, I understood that by being the ultra professional that he is, once he agrees to do a film based on whatever reasons he has, he completely succumbs to the vision or non-vision of the director. The end product sometimes can look a mess but the inside secret will be that he would have always given much more than what was expected of him.

The close-up of his when he stands on the steps looking at Aftab taking Jiah away in the climax of Nishabd calls for an extraordinary understanding of human emotions and hence a far superior performance, compared to him saying “Tujhe bhi karne nahin doonga” in Sarkar which he would have done a thousand times before. But sadly the effect of that line in Sarkar will become cinematic history whereas the Nishabd’s close-up might go unnoticed.

The effect of Sarkar’s performance as compared to Sarkar Raj is probably higher for many primarily because of the shock value of seeing Amitji in such a role after a very very long time but if you look deeper you can’t find a single shot in Sarkar which is comparable to, for an example the expression he has when he shows Sanjay Somji’s body to Raosaab. There are many many such moments in Sarkar Raj.

So the point I am trying to make in summation is that he never ever failed as an actor and he never will. It’s only directors, both other’s and me who frequently fail in framing his art in a given context.

Karan Johar’s favorite film of his is Kabhie Kabhie and Silsila which I loathe compared to my favorites like Deewaar and Zanzeer. I dislike seeing him in movies like Last Lear and Black whereas Sanjay Leela Bhansali and Rituparno Ghosh might not want to make films like Nishabd with him. 

But that’s what subliminal art is about. You can take whatever you want from it and interpret it in any which way you want to.

Amitji is an artiste who can and will allow himself to be conformed, adapted and shaped up in any which way one wants to mould him and the final result he will leave it in the hands of the director he is working with.

But irrespective of what on a personal level he might think of the result, the effort he puts in and the passion he brings in to elevate even the most mundane of scenes, the performances he brings and the way he speaks his lines is for me my personal proof of what Amitji truly and really is.

Amitabh Bachchan is that rare art form which takes birth just once in several life times.

I am deeply embarrassed at this exposure, but I am merely following instructions of RGV. There is a edited version that has appeared in the Asian Age of today, but this above is the original without any cuts or deletions ..

My love and my reservations on the article ..

Amitabh Bachchan

The pain in the rib cage has caught up today during the shoot for KBC

Jalsa , Mumbai           Oct 1, 2011      Sat  11:58 PM
The pain in the rib cage has caught up today during the shoot for KBC. So took leave of absence from the set after recording one episode and have requested for another day to compensate the missed work. This is not something that I like doing but better to be safe than sorry.

I am moving and being normal but I do know that there is a sensitive region which keeps playing up and it does need to be rested.

I shall make up tomorrow on this platform, but for tonight I need to call it a day and night. My apologies for this … but I shall be better off tomorrow, with some rest and sleep and another holiday because of October 2nd the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi , the Father of the Nation.
Do not worry .. all is well …
Love
Amitabh Bachchan

Whether the alarm rings or not, whether you like it or not, whether the mind

Jalsa , Mumbai     Sept 30/Oct 1, 2011       Fri/Sat  1 : 06 AM
Whether the alarm rings or not, whether you like it or not, whether the mind still rejects the routine or not, one does succumb to the daily ritual and with creaking back pain and rib pain and several other pains that accumulate during the course of the night, one rises from the bed, sits up for a while to allow the blood circulation to settle and balance out the body before rushing on and then in one clear effort, body rectangles almost to adjust to each and every discomfort, you welcome the morning by pushing open the curtains and switching off the air conditioning.

As you assemble the fogged mind on what the day holds for you, it is remarkable how in the middle of all that nature desires us to perform, we get the best thought processes. Which is why it is advisable to keep either a water proof recording device handy or a note book or a mobile right within arms reach when ideas begin to flow, in order that they can be documented for them to be executed as the day moves on.

Its a struggle to get into the gym apparatus - the tracks, the shoes, the chest belt that measures heart rate, the wrist bands and then the watch indicating not just your pulse but so many other aspects of your training, which quite honestly no one ever I think, bothers to record or take note of.

As the rest of the home rests sleeps slumbers, you open doors walk steps and open cars to get in with some difficulty because the back does not allow a smooth entry into the drivers seat. Pulling out of Jalsa on to the morning streets of the Ville Parle depression in the suburb - a depression not one of mood but of geographical contentions, it being at times below the level of the raging Arabian Sea some meters away only - is a delight. The traffic is mundane and since the distance to travel is barely 50 yards, it seems as though we moved from one room to another. Not that the rooms are 50 yards in length, but symbolically it would reflect the same .. !! Its a wake up call for many. Particularly the stray dogs that house in the Janak premise, the gym venue on one of its floors and my office of sorts ! Acknowledging the salutes of the equally sleepy security system all smartened up in black tunic and tie and cap, belly sticking out, or their thinness barely managing the one size fits all uniforms from their masters, I move up the grilled door lift to the third. The floors look all washed and cleaned. The staircase given a rub and a general air of ‘agarbatti’ or ‘jos sticks’ as the West would refer to them, drifting throughout this airy structure, the trainer all set and ready at the door welcomes me with ‘how you feeling today’.

And even though the back aches, the rib pains, the asthma wheezes and the eyes water due to lack of lubrication, one smiles and settles in for the morning drink of water and ‘alovira’ , a couple of dates from the mid-east bazaars and on to the tread mill with the news and sports and music channels sending out alarming visuals as you match your walk speed with the lounge music on the speakers. Free arms and loosening up the limbs,waist down and above, slipping on the special gloves for the weights and getting down to the computerized machines that record and guide your work out, in time the pains disappear and you wonder whether they were scared of the work routine or the work routine tired them off …

Its an hour and half of body parts and repeats and sets, until finally you are guided to the cross trainer and the pedals for an ‘x’ amount of time before the mat is laid with the ab cruncher and on to it for the next lot - stomach repeats, single leg repeats, legs in the air repeats, back to normal repeats, lower abs repeats, push up in the air repeats, sliding to the sides repeats and then on the chest arching like a cobra on strike mode up and down for a few numbers. On the haunches and stretch with arms out in front trying to reach the edge of the mat and before long back on the tread and watching Ranbir Kapoor on Rockstar, SRK on Chhamak Chhalo and R.One, Genelia lusting on the sands with bulked up John in Force .. shifting gaze to the other screen where the latest scams on corruption run along on the news channel and then over .. over and out of the tread, calves push ups, stretch on thighs, music off, tv screens blank and prayers to the ’surya devta’ ..

A quick wash and on the cross legged for the yoga and pranayaam and other related breathing and pulling efforts, before those delightful words form the trainer ‘thats all Amit ji’ and a quick check on the BP, a report to the doctor on sms, collecting all the stuff in the sling bag and .. ‘ok thank you see you tomorrow’ … the walk down the staircase quick exit on to the roads again, whizzing past garbage collection vans, the milk man the ‘paper wala’, at the traffic lights where only I seem to be obeying them, the other rickshaws, cars, buses of the Government all breaking the rules and the lights and no one to check them or reprimand them .. people driving on the wrong side of the road, walking up a down street, crossing through the center flower bed without warning, until a stop at Prateeksha and the soft chair out in the sun at times to finish the paper work of the office, signings and opinions on letters, decisions on phone, logging the Vog, connecting to calls that are pending, shower, prayer, hurried breakfast and … STUDIO please !!!

En route, more phone calls that remain, the news papers and magazines to be seen and marked for filing and before long at the vanity van, door opened inside on the make up seat … ‘Deepak .. set me up quick’ .. shot ready sir of audience on set for KBC and out to face the world again … even after 42 years !!
That is just the beginning .. what follows after is another pos perhaps some other day ..
Amitabh Bachchan ... and yes with love and affection to all

In a meeting early morning today the server Reliance Big Adda

Jalsa , Mumbai      Sept 29/30 , 2011      Thu/Fri  12 : 38 AM
In a meeting early morning today the server Reliance Big Adda came across to meet me and to inform me of some of the changes that they were wanting to make to improve conditions on the Blog. I told them do whatever you like just do not complicate the process of my connection with my EF.
So … what is perhaps going to happen is that there shall be an up gradation of the WordPress that I use to file my Blog. There shall be a facility from my iPhone to be able to blog, as well as to be able to Tweet. And there shall be a process introduced for those that come on and in particular our family, whereby they will be asked to spend another 5 seconds before posting a comment. This is being done because there is an abundance of ’spam’ that is beginning to invade the Blog. And since most of it is digitally orchestrated automatically, it has reached proportions which the server is unable to comprehend and also accomodate. So I await the process that is being introduced to avoid this nasty bit of ’spam’ going through and for all of you who are genuine and sincere and honest and dedicated, there shall a small 5 sec procedure which you shall have to do, so that your comments are registered correctly and not mistaken for spam and removed .. !!!
Perhaps in the recent past there had been some vociferous complaints of comments disappearing after they had been posted. The issue of the spam could perhaps be reason for them to disappear, I do not know and cannot say for sure, but any way this new procedure shall be introduced and I shall warn you and also guide you into what needs to be done when I am informed of this change ..
haaaa ahhah .. !! that was quite easily done.
Off with the mundane then and back to normal and with the family.
A somewhat busy day even though I was not shooting. But considering a shoot, is also quite exhaustive. Artists should never have to deal with these social, moral and domesticated issues in their life. There should I wish, be a group of managers that conduct the life of the celebrity and not bog him or her down with all the problems of daily existence. Many in our profession here are doing exactly that and I envy them and their conduct, for, they have been kept so isolated from all these other issues that they are able to concentrate in their nature of work with great ease and comfort.
Sensitive as we all are to all that abounds about us, the mere presence of a notice a legal call can ruin the days work for the celebrity. There are many though that take great pride in conducting all of this themselves - knowing the law and the chartered accountancy to be able to answer queries by the authorities and the system we exist in !
Many feel that being devoid of any assistance in this matter leaves one disadvantaged and fragile and insecure. Yes I would agree. Insecurity in this line of business is a virtual threat of huge proportions. Blessed are they that have the will and confidence to be able to overcome such circumstances where they are challenged by their individual insecurity and come victorious all the same. But some like me who possess no knowledge of how the systen works and performs, fall prey to almost all the deeds that may occur to us albeit in a most normal manner.
Apart from the technicalities that overtake us in matters of the law and accountancy, the work itself is a huge immovable edifice that settles upon us at a very early age. The choice of the film under consideration, its makers and their belief, the consequence of its execution and then finally its success or failure at the box office, all go to make our countenance and conduct erratic. We may like a story as an actor, but never get involved in its making without weighing the possibilities of its prospects at the box office. Since our own knowledge of the financing and accounts that take over the entire process of a film are limited and to a large extent unknown, we measure the strength in most peculiar manner. What was his last film like at the box office. Has the co artist been involved in a film that was recognized. When is a good time to release it and then to ascertain how many other that were released in same period, fared. Many many questions go through our heads before the final nod of approval is given. It seems a silly process but there it is. You may have been influenced by the previous success of a future maker only to discover that box office results are never constant, they differ from time to time. Is this then the right time to be involved with a particular maker or not ??? What if he fails .. ?
Ohhh ha hhhhh so many questions and thoughts go through our complicated brains before we finally give signals to be monitored for a ‘go ahead’.
I never got involved in all this and still do not. I cannot remember what the business of my films has been or had been and whether or not if it has been good to be able to re negotiate a price, or be able to get conversant with figures. Of late I have shown interest, but to little avail. And so I have decided to rely on the others in the office, than to trouble my limited brain with matters that really should not concern me. I may be a gentle loser here, but I would imagine …’ better a known gentle loser than one that knowingly lost ‘ ….
There are so many permutation combinations in this that I fear soon you shall all start to have reservations on how we function …??!!!
May you do so and do so with sincerity, for I believe if done, it shall certainly throw up some great minds to assimilate this problem and hold out a hand of help towards us.
May you start considering the matter with care and rare aplomb !!
Good night or morning or whatever it is .. and with love ..
Amitabh Bachchan

Happy Navratri BigB

Jalsa , Mumbai     Sept  28/29 ,  2011    Wed/Thu  1 : 08 AM



Happy Navratri


As the festival of Navratri begins today. As the pooja and prayers rise for Durga Mata. As the exuberance of the dandiya reverberates among the young and old, there emerges a feeling of celebration and joy among us all. And not just in India but in other countries too, in different forms.
It is the time for peace and victory over evil. It is the time for music and rhythm, of color and laughter and above all tranquility and well being among all …
It is Lata Mangeshkar’s birthday today, the Nightingale of not just the country but indeed of the world. Acclaimed and admired by billions all over the universe, a record holder in books of record, a singer of songs in almost over 30 languages, 82 today and still with that mischievous sparkle in her eyes.
At the Shanmukhananda Hall, a place of great relevance, of which some other day, the function held by her brother to celebrate not just her birth but to reward her for her incredible contribution to the arts. To music, to song and to the soul of the entire nation. When she sings it is a direct connection with the Almighty, for in our vedas and our shashtras music has been given the position of the Gods ! Music is the language of the Heavens, without music even the Gods are incomplete !
The Almighty has given each particle that He created the benefit of laya, rhythm and music, but He has given the gift of understanding it to only those that have persevered to devote themselves entirely to it, for he that has mastered music has indeed mastered in a sense the Almighty !! Lata Mangeshkar is one such that has devoted her life to music, and she then has become that pujaarin of the temple of music !!
Being in her presence has been the most invigorating moment for all that revere the best that is there in life. I salute such genius, and wish that the Almighty give us … US … many more years to live, so we can continue to enjoy the lilt of her song and her renditions eternally and to be able to keep celebrating her birthday year after year … !!

After Lata Mangeshkar there is very little that anyone can say .. words are insufficient, weak and meaningless when we set out to describe her and her talent ..
And so …
Amitabh Bachchan