I share because I care. I share to keep you abreast. I share because I feel the need of talking to myself. BigB

Jalsa , Mumbai    Aug 8/9 , 2011      Mon/Tue   1 : 19 AM

I share because I care. I share to keep you abreast. I share because I feel the need of talking to myself. Talking to myself is my belief in my extended family. But .. that you should worry and be anxious is not the reason why I share ..

I repair well .. the pain is easing and yes the doctor feels it is the legacy of my diverticulitis episode that has plagued me ever since my surgery in 1982 after the Collie accident. I have been put on an entire liquid diet - juices, strained soup and clear liquids - and it may continue till the evening of the morrow.

Never have liquids been so welcomed during the course of the day as they have during the last 24 hours or even more. And as I battle with this unique mode of existence, I am reminded of something that I read not too long ago of how a gentleman had survived almost 50 years of his life on just water !! With my short experience I am not doubting the ability of this human, but I think the desire of food, because we are so accustomed to it, pervades all else. I think it may be possible to exist only on the clear forms of nutrition - I certainly did on large quantities of orange and cranberry - except that the body takes a bit of time to register all that goes around it. You move at 48 frames per second, which in film jargon means a medium slow motion - regular film runs at 24 frames per second and the higher you go the slower the action on screen. Bullets shooting out of the barrel of a gun are seen generally when the camera runs at 500 frames per second. But nowadays with graphic technology taking over, excessive film may not be wasted in running the camera at such high speed.

So yes the entire day has been kind of numbed and at an easy pace. Not because the work demanded that, but because the system permitted only that much and no more. And quite honestly I never did mind the state I was in. I felt a lot more relaxed and calm as I approached the sets at Film City to work for the days shoot - a commercial for Parker ! A brand that has remained with me for such a long time. And the atmosphere around was controlled and less excitable … maybe I should get into this mode more often. Not the illness silly, but a mode where I do not pay much attention to what else goes on. Sometimes in order to get an increased working condition I tend to worry and suggest too many things, that may not be required. Just to be yourself and concerned with merely my work is also a methodology.

Errm .. perhaps not ! But it did happen today. I did not acknowledge too many people, went straight to my position on the set and did my job to the directors satisfaction and walked out within a record time. Job done, and home. A lesson today in remaining calm and in control of oneself. Ok … so I learnt another point today …

The evening was one which measured emotion to a great extent. A humble modest means individual Nitin Chandrakant Desai, production designer, one that constructs sets on and for film, had a book release on his 25 years of service to the industry. This hard working man who grew up from the ‘chawls’ of Mumbai to become a studio owner is a remarkable story of entrepreneurship and drive and ambition. Nitin has always for some reason been a great admirer and one that has always entrusted the initiation of all his enterprises through my hands. The set of KBC designed by him and a generous Swiss Cottage designed for me to rest in while the show was on. The opening of his studio in Khapoli and the images of the Gods that he sent to me, now adorning the temple in my office, and many more such occasions. A simple man, still unable to control the tears that flow down as he narrates his journey to the audience at the book release of his work for the past 25 years, his Mother sitting next to me, proud and full of similar emotion. Tears of joy, of accomplishment, of success in whatever he did - important sets, tv serials, films and now going on to directing and acting in them as well. Incredible !! From a mere worker that cut the wood that went into the making of sets on a film !!

Back home the wife is back and is in the middle of seeing old video films of the family when the kids were in their rompers and my parents played around with their grandchildren. Sometimes when you see these occasions you never have sufficient nerve to react. Is this for real. Am I actually seeing my Mother in all her glory and my Father reading out a special poem for Jaya on her birthday as a gift. Is this that little toothless Shweta proud of her ‘ghagra choli’ prancing about with childlike innocence. And Abhishek jumping about in front of the lens wanting attention - a precursor of things to come !!

For some strange reason the depth of the film that we see still does not sink in. It feels like just the other day we were all together enjoying the moment and not realizing that this has a life which is about 35 years gone by. I would imagine when we shall grow older and have activities that are restrained for the time. When all we shall have is the reason to talk of times gone by. When, as the time rolls by closer to leaving the world for good, we shall perhaps look back and say to ourself, that was a life well spent ! Hopefully !!!

My love as ever …

Amitabh Bachchan