I am late, I am late, for a most important date ..
Rings a bell somewhere as being part of a popular song either from film or stage ! But … once you start to create music time is forgotten and so your bearings. Its a song for the film ‘Bol Bachchan’ directed by Rohit Shetty, which has Ajay Devgn and Abhishek in it .. so there ! We shoot for it also in a few days time. Goodness ! Always a frightening prospect to do a song and dance routine .. so yes I know it is way past my bed time, but …
Meeting individuals who have achieved greatness through hard work and perseverance, yet remaining simple and unassuming, is an indulgence that fills you with a vacuum. You have done nothing in comparison, yet temperaments when compared, fail you and applaud the other. I have been unable to understand how they do it. Not the humble, but the other not so humble who profess achievement and success. A realistic yardstick for the achiever would be, I am certain, an entire universe of humility. But the haughty and the braggart often get away with it. Perhaps momentarily, never in permanence. One would have to be a special sooth sayer to be in a condition where all that you scream and shout about, virtually comes true.
But really the question that disturbs me is the manner in which it gets executed, believed and practiced. Is there no fear of failure and rejection ? No fear of having commented bravely of achievement and then it not coming ? I would never feel comfortable doing that. Perhaps in my moments of solitude, I could have placed determination within, by reassuring myself that it can and will be done. But to make a public display of it even in jest, would be unimaginable for me. Better to profess ignorance, than be proved later of it. You were ignorant before, so nothing changed – you merely lived up to your condition. But if the profess had been diminishing and you achieved more and beyond it, the shadow of cynical sarcasm would never appear ! I like this situation. It is calm and reverent !!
So when recognition comes our way in the form of reward and acknowledgment, I find it at times a process which can be quite futile, for, we had never thought of being able to reach a goal, in the first place. I find it most awkward to face praise and laudatory public rendering. It comes to be an embarrassment for me. How can one sit in close proximity of public discourse, when the public is, through others, being rammed into with a spate of your own value and greatness. That is one reason you did not find me too responsive when people did something for me. I like it that they do. I consider their devotion by spending hours and hours of their valuable time over me. But, how does one respond and react to it. That is something I have never learnt and shall, never want to. If the situation comes naturally to me, I shall comply. If not it shall best be avoided … in the most pleasant of circumstances.
There is no need to comment on my state at the present. Many feel later that they need to worry about my condition, to cajole me to come out of it and not harm myself. But why would I do that ? Does anyone really have those special powers to be able to pull out the misery of another. Support and consideration yes from the other. But I doubt if there would be anything beyond …
In the end it is your pain, your grief, your happiness and your achievement, that you deal with alone. There shall be sympathy and empathy both .. but beyond a point worthless. Beyond that point is and are, your own thoughts and capabilities that shall ever matter.
I may sound confused and difficult to understand today … may be I am. But the reality shall be mine. The provocation and the need to say this shall always be mine and mine alone ..
My love and much more …