Prateeksha , Mumbai Nov 14, 2010 Sun 11: 30 PM
For most a Sunday filled with rest relaxation and time to spend time on family friends and other essentials. Not for me though. It was back to KBC early morning after the groan and grunts at the gym, returning only a short while ago to be able to communicate to tell to connect to the most awaited moment of my day. Hello ! All ye wonderful people !
This is going to be short again. Its an early call tomorrow and today has been quite busy for most of the day .. so …
My head droops with exhaustion, and I fear that sleep shall overtake me while I sit here to communicate with my FmXt. Sleep deprivation is an experience by itself. The body has decided to not function, but the brain still resounds and in that most awkward state continues against all odds to do what it had started off to do, without a break. So … many a time while I have perhaps technically gone to sleep, the brain and its last function, that of writing the blog, has remained alive. What then pursues is that everything other than what is meant to be connected with the writing for the blog starts to evolve. And with some stroke of genius, as I overcome that moment and wake up so to say, I find that not a single word written has any relevance to what I should be writing !
And instead of closing down, satisfied that justice has been done towards my writing for the day, I find myself re writing the entire piece and discovering to my horror, the ambiguity and senseless language that may have been used during that moment of stupor, comatose irrelevance !
In a sense it is good when we discover such a moment, for, letting it on to be published would have brought me a lot of flak and disrepute. Not a single word at times matches the other, let alone the sentiment. It would have most generously depicted an unstable mind, or at least a mind that was fast moving towards instability !
What really happens during such moments, is a subject for mind analysts to determine and decipher. What does really go inside the brain and at what time, is just impossible to fathom. But this complex bit of the human is so intricate and complicated that it has been best seen, to leave it alone.
The vitamin supplements have been washed down, the protein pinks sunk deep into my scar ridden stomach and finally the pillow companion beckons. Heat pad for my troubled back shall be switched off, the duvet to fight the cold of the airconditioning shall find its wide spread over my system, the digital clock illuminating the dark room with its hours shall be positioned right in front of my eyes, so I can see how the time flows past the night and then finally the table lamp shall be switched off.
What follows next in this hour of darkness is sometimes not prudent to reveal. Your body shuffles about to find a comfortable cozy posture for sleep - legs up, back on back, to the right, to the left - and then a rewind. A rewind perhaps of the day gone by, but no, most certainly of the possibilities for the ‘morrow. That is anticipatory. There is expectation. Expectation reveals character. And thinking about one’s character under the still darkness of the night, is always intricate but a daunting task …
I am now ready to think about my character under the cool soft weight of the duvet ..
So good night … and may God bless you !!
Amitabh Bachchan
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