I am lethargic and lazy and without direction

Jalsa , Mumbai               Nov/Dec  1,  2011       Wed/Thu  12 : 30 AM

I am lethargic and lazy and without direction … I am just I am … Absence of an occupation that has triggered my life for the past 42 years, creeps in slowly but surely, to meet certain requirements that are not essential, for the moment at least. There is nobility in acceptance. There is sanity in the acceptance of fault. There is tolerance to a flash of waywardness. But this … I am not so sure what it is and what it means.

So … what did you think of that opener ? Somewhat abstract and not truly in the spirit of the Blog was it ? A safe beginning marks your way and path with fresh ideas and subjects to dwell upon. I haven’t an inkling of what those ideas could possibly be. But so long as I am getting the word count at the bottom of this page increasing proportionately, I do not think of there being any problem. The longer it takes to get to that idea the better for me. It is a struggle for me when I sit me self down to address an expectant Ef, with all that has transpired for the day for me. Or if not that, since it can become diaryish, just to chatter on about endless matter which may or may not eventually make any sense. I mean lets face it .. what has really been put across so far, that could possibly be recognized as sensible. But then that is the trick, is it not – to be faltering my way to the end of the page without having disclosed anything at all.

Is there in the real sense any thing at all that can be disclosed. Most of this banter has been fairly open and wide angled has it not ? Wide angled ? Thats a peculiar term ! Thats looking at life or events with a 18 or 24 mm lens, or worse the 9 mm, distortions and all …

Wide angles give impressions of space and width and a vastness which does not really exist, but can be made to look so, because of the density of the lens – a lens that has not been manufactured by nature, by man or woman or human ( just keeping the protocol right, before the ladies charge up objections ). Manufactured wideness gives impressions of that which is not visible with what we are endowed with at birth. Endowed ! Perhaps an incorrect word to use .. ‘born with’ would be more appropriate ! Change that would you please as you go along. I really do not have the patience and the time to delete and go back and highlight and select and shift to get the impressions right !!!

And so we muster courage and get movin’ on … as most modern day AD’s working on film projects at the ‘shoot’ would say when they would inform us that the shot that we just did, is fine and we are now ‘movin on’ to the next shot !! Complicated life this .. film making !!

But .. but … but …. seriously though, there has been some serious thought provoking meetings with possible makers and they are chuffed about their tales and hopes of starting a film soon. The problem lies with me really. My inconsistent nature and that horrid tag of long hours and time on decision making, does not give prospective makers the liberty to go ahead with the project ; go ahead with anything !

And so here I am just as complicated and uncertain as when the day began. Unable to take decision and formulate my need to get back in the studio, wherever it may be …

At the dining table interesting conversations on films and possible projects coming up, filled up the time. The family seemed as interested in my indecision as they did in their decisions for me. They sound encouraging and full of fresh hope, but they do know as do I that eventually it shall have to have personal approval. And that personal approval is taking a helluva long time to come to terms ..

Soooo ….

It comes the time to crawl back into bed, with that expectation that tomorrow will come with some fresh ideas .. they are essential for me to think so … and essential for the well wishers too. The gap that has arisen after the after of KBC has been expressed in strong terms and one must pay heed to it !!

Good night … and may you have pleasant dreams, of love and flowers and happiness and fulfillment. Mine these days are vivid and real but do not make any sense. They are not frightening or scary .. just vivid. And now having said that Messrs Dream Makers shall make sure tonight is filled with nothing else but that ..

Do take very good care of yourselves and do permit me the liberal license to write the inconsequential ‘bumphff’ that I have today … though I do believe that ‘there is something in it’ .. as Sanjay Leela Bhansali would often say on set, every time he saw a visual or a performance that seemed to touch him.

Now how on earth did I suddenly think of him !!?? See I told you …

Amitabh Bachchan

You rise early and take flight to Pune for ” English Vinglish the film

Jalsa , Mumbai         Nov 29/30 ,  2011               Tue/ Wed  12 : 41 AM

You rise early and take flight to Pune for ” English Vinglish ” the film being directed by Gauri, Balki’s wife, where I do a few lines in a barely a minute appearance with Sridevi ! Flights to Pune are short and quick. By the time you fasten your seat belt it is time to take it off again. At Jet, the personnel are polite and helpful in getting you to the plane as rapidly as possible, at times much to the annoyance of the regular in line travelers. Against my wishes, the hostesses push my bag, my security and my distanced position in the queue, to the front. This is annoying and wrong. I prefer standing in the line along with the others. Yes there are autographs to sign as you wait to be dressed down by that magical wand of the police security. Yes there are a zillion mobile cameras that get flashed into your face, unasked and impolite I think, but that is a reality now. The air belongs to no one, and they exercise their right to execute what they believe is in order. We must be the most recorded entities in the world ! Wherever you go there is some documentation of your movement, company and dress .. particularly the dress. These details find a most commendable exhibition in some of the magazines that cater to taste and style of celebrities. the comments have a vast range – from the style of the dress worn by the ladies to their handbags and shoes right down to their toe nail paint. The comments are generally critical and sarcastic in tenor – a stance that I would imagine forms the grit of what commercials it would attract. What the circumstances of the time of that moment captured, would be or reflect, is not really of concern to the designer of the page. So long as it draws attention of the reader it is passable and valued. Often have I desired to correct the unpleasant writings that appear along with the pictures, but were I to do that I would be spending all my time doing just that and nothing else. But I have reckoned that if there ever was to be battle on this front again, or facts raised for debate in whatever convenient medium, and were I to have opportunity to be a part of it, then would it most entirely be possible to counter many a million !

I would imagine some respect would be shown to a Blog that gets 1.5 million hits, a Vog that has 3.6 million subs and a twitter account where 16.3 lakh followers, cannot be just taken for granted. I notice often that I am soon becoming my own newspaper and column writer. What appears here is cleverly taken out, readjusted, reframed and reconciled to form a corner of the news on the last pages – a territory which is the right place for us ‘filmy types’ ! A minor distortion in the event detail, gets recorded for posterity and for the master computer of the media. Any reference thereafter on the subject is happily available at the press of a button and what follows next is what ‘the beauty of the written word is all about’ !!

So yes … Pune, that great city with immense character and poise and temperament is being used as the backdrop at their airport terminal for a scene. It is a quiet atmosphere. Everyone is doing their work diligently and in whispers. Its unnerving to find such an atmosphere on a film set, and it does possess the capacity to throw you out were you to disturb the peace so to say.

The plane ride though extremely short is not without its charm and color. The Captain, a lady, has walked across to me to welcome me on board, the air hostesses wish a mobile picture with them in the galley, and the foreigner sitting by my side, looks a bit bewildered in expression at this show of affection and quietly does ask the uniformed assistance who I am. I say this because in a silent plane, when you hear someone answer a question with your name, it is time to open the door of the aircraft and gently step out !

No matter how oblivious you may tend to be to the surroundings and what animated conversation has been initiated by you, you will always find it is the most difficult moment to look up beyond the newspapers you have now drowned your face into, when such occurrences take place.

The shoot is simple, the shots uncomplicated and Sridevi is her usual best. God bless her !

Back on the flight from the airport location, similar interest and activity gain prominence and the most practiced procedure of trying to avoid incessant crowding for autographs and pictures, is then quietly and most deliberately executed – nod off to sleep !! It works most of the time. Often not. Enthusiastic well wisher or fan shall come up to you, shake you up from your slumber and smile her smile into your face with … ” hello ! you are sleeping ? I want your autograph, but I have no paper or pen !”

Now this is a tricky situation ! Normally one would let out the most ugly scream, run up and down the aisle like a mad man, sit down finally and respond with, after several deep breathes ‘ will do it later when you have found suitable stationary ‘ !! Any other reaction even remotely away from this, would attract accusation of being egotistical, arrogant and rude and a minus one follower !!

Turmoils that an actor or celebrity goes through are written on golden rock. And one dare not challenge or try to rectify this. Swallow that pill, pay heed to the request, be humble and deft at final handlings and deplane on arrival.

It is time to deplane here and now too … and so it shall be !!

Look after yourself, be calm and confident in whatever you do, sleep well and give me the privilege of being with you tomorrow again .. with fresh thoughts and feelings …

My love as before and after too …

Amitabh Bachchan       1:35 AM !

First the ugly and then the not so ugly

Jalsa , Mumbai                   Nov 28,  2011                 Mon 11 : 30 PM

 First the ugly and then the not so ugly !

There is news that has come to my knowledge of meetings being arranged after payment of certain sums of money ! The lure of being in a situation to pay up and be around with me, is an appalling condition. To those that may have contributed to this gibe may I just say that I am certainly not for sale. Certainly not for my well wishers and in particular my Ef. This is a preposterous situation. Those that may be falling in with this be aware that no such condition shall ever exist. Those that contemplate such ugliness, be warned. The consequences of such a depraved practice shall be most severe. This is an unconditional warning !!

The not so ugly is the desire to thank all the Ef for their grateful wishes and blessings to the memory of my Father on his birth anniversary. There shall always be insufficient time and space to put in writing all that he represented and believed in. The quality and lyricism of his writing, the depth of his own philosophy and the integrity of his beliefs. Poets and poetry have an endless life. Ages after they have left us there shall be meaning in what they left behind and it shall be our prerogative to discover analise and understand to its fullest, what all of that meant to us.

A strange lethargy creeps upon me from the early hours of the morning. It deprives me of energy and action, of speech and mobility. And as I sit and wonder what it could possibly be, I develop a gentle hint within, that probably spells ‘inactivity’. Work is the adrenalin for continuity and maybe the regions that require to be refueled with that chemical, need to be channelized now.

I must admit that the moment I did ponder over the thought, I could feel a physical change overcoming my earlier condition. It is time for me to meet up with prospective projects and succumb to the visions that they behold for me. It is time to step out and be in the environs that tickle and provoke action. Action not of the kind that deals with guns and battle, but a battle of another kind ; the kind that creates a swell within you as you hear that strain of music or be a part of good writing, film and painting.

I tweeted about it in the early hours and many that were contemplating a meeting on work were quick to respond in the positive. The medium of communication has become such an important aspect of our lives. Within seconds of its expression the entire world comes to grips with it and not just learns of its presence but shall have comment and solution or criticism, racing around the air waves with a rapidity of the newly discovered neutrinos, that profess to be moving a shade faster than light !

I wonder then, when we are so vividly connected with each other ; connected as never before in the history of the universe, why are we today most disconnected with each other. The divisions and anger directed towards humans has perhaps never been so acute. Faith and religions talk thrive on the meanings of peace and well being. They all propagate togetherness, belief and respect for the other, love, forgiveness and compassion for each other. Yet the human in its entire history perhaps has never been as divided as before.

It is a painful situation and one that one sits and sees passing by without any attempt to unite in a universality which speaks oneness and tolerance.

The speed of intolerance, the desensitization of humanity in almost all aspects of its working has been an alarming truth and it is so overpowering that there is little else that can be thought of. Sanity exists, but in such small proportion that it does not take much time for it to get polluted too. Who to follow, who to believe and who to trust has become an incomprehensible metaphor. Those that speak and believe in it sound sincere and earnest, but I do not know why we suspect them of some insincerity. May be our natures have undergone such turmoil and untruths, that we are now immune to all that can be termed as good and graceful. Maybe in time these delusions shall repair, readjust and present themselves in greater earnest and with complete clarity. Maybe …

We pray and hope that they do …

The chimes of the clock approach minimum ring .. it relates to the smaller tones on the watch, the lesser numbers .. at night these lesser numbers denote lateness and bedtimeness .. !!

Good night dear ones .. you make life earnest and truthful and with hope …

Amitabh Bachchan 

My Father’s birth anniversary to day ! 27th of November 1907 was born

Jalsa , Mumbai        Nov  27 ,  2011               Sun 11 : 45 PM

 My Father’s birth anniversary to day ! 27th of November 1907 was born to my Grand Father Pratap Narain and his wife my grandmother Sursati, Harivansh. The elders in the house referred to him lovingly as ‘bachcha’ meaning child. When he grew up and inclined himself to poetry and literature, he adopted his ‘non de plume’, Bachchan and which became the family name, Amitabh being the first bearer of it.

In the morning hours in his room in Prateeksha, where he breathed his last, I stand in front of his pensive photograph along with my Mothers and below my Nana ji Sardar Khazan Singh Suri, resplendent in his Sikh pagri seated beside my Nani, standing, short, demure and holding an umbrella in her hand – a prerequisite in the times of the British Raj and the manner in which the pictures of the ladies of the era used to appear. My Nana, a tall handsome Sikh in his three piece suit and boots, a Bar-at-Law during the late 1800′s looking on somewhat stern, but in a pleasant manner.

I visit this room often. A must before I start my day to seek the blessings of my elders. Today I spend a little more time than usual and an entire lifetime flashes past. Details of the times gone by are so vivid and clear and unblemished. They seem like they happened just a few minutes ago. A wonder really of the mind. I dwell in them with just a gentle smile on my face. Life gone by deserves this.

A stream of visitors has been coming in to the house to bless and meet the little one. She, in all her pink glory has slept through it all. And when she awakes stares with open wondered eyes on what looks down upon her. Relatives from both sides, friends, well wishers the lot. They leave behind little gifts, a happy note in the baby book and leave discussing in rather animated form on who she resembles. Probable names are read out aloud – suggestions from the mobile, from the twitter, from the Blog, on the email, all giving sincere opinion why the one they suggest would be best for her. It is so lovable that they do this and I wish to thank the efforts that they make. Soon a name shall come about and we shall share it with all .. but till then …. a patient wait !!

Its been a day mixed with emotion and explanation. Of justification and the seeking of truth in obtuse circumstances. But of that later. For now, it is the presence of my Father’s birth gone by and the coming by birth of another in the family.

It is the greatest wonders of the universe – procreation !

With love and more ,

Amitabh Bachchan     

There are days and there are days ! Today was a day !

Jalsa , Mumbai              Nov  26,  2011                   Sat  11 : 48 PM

 There are days and there are days ! Today was a day !

As the alarm rings on the mobile – an instrument that has now replaced the wrist watch, the alarm clock and the camera and dictionary and diary and reminder and … , I struggle out of bed, bent at various angles to ease out the L4/L5 spinal contractions that are a sad reminder of the numerous adventures on the action field in the films that I did and finally get in to the drivers seat to round the block and the traffic light breakers, into the arms of various equipments that look and operate as though they could take care of your muscle system for time immemorial. That done, a quick ride to Prateeksha to get in that much needed and required sun in the greens of the lawn and then showered and pathan-dressed to Janak the office to meet a whole bunch of police personel, just out of the Academy and ready to face the harsh world of reality. They are young officers and are stepping out into the various parts of the country to perform their duties and serve the nation and its society.

The years of their idealism is over I tell them. Those that enter the services examinations and undergo training are brought up in an environ which speaks of the glorification of the country, their commitment towards it and the responsibility they are about to take on. Its a harsh world, the world of the police and they will face many obstacles in achieving what they have been taught to achieve. One can only harp on their earnestness and submission to country, their duty and the values that have been taught to them. At the end of course they shall have to be individuals that shall have to take that call, right or wrong, in their line of duty.

A delightful press conference takes over by the evening, where Aadesh Srivastava along with me talk to them about the significance of the date. Its 26/11, the day of that ghastly terrorist attack in the city and in the Taj Hotel in particular, and we have cut an album ‘Sounds of Peace’. It is quite remarkable that Aadesh has been able to convince stalwarts such as Akon and VanCleef and the London Philharmonic Orchestra, to lend support an dtalent and creativity to this music concept. Yours truly has a small part to play or hear in it as well. And with that coming to an end, its of to the other suburb, Bandra that is fast becoming an iconic region in the eyes of the young. A little ones first birthday, family and greeting, dinner and out !

And in the middle of all this, the cricket !! Wonder of wonders that the team was able to dismiss the team for a paltry 134 runs, but in the closing hours failed to clinch a clean sweep victory, by closing the game in a tame draw. never mind I say, we shall square up another day.

But driving back from the region of the restaurant where we dine, I am amazed at the progress made by the inhabitants towards eateries, shops for all kinds of goods and in general a feel of what could have been and what is ..Large urban cities are going through a remarkable phase. A phase of calm and quiet, of opportunity and success if you have the drive of entrepreneur, and the relevance of the changing times in all walks of life ..

It is Saturday night and it is wonderful to see the young and the dashing grouping up outside prominent locations, eating, living and enjoying the fruits of liberalization. The streets even at this hour are jammed and crowded. Traffic snarls into myriad self made lines, and the subsequent disorder that ensues makes you want to get out and scream. But … this is the city. It has born a lot, given a lot, suffered too and given lost opportunity, a chance to make it happen again !!

I shall be there if any such move occurs .. I pray that it never does, but I shall be there ..

And finally … its looking like many aspirants for work with me shall have to wait just that little more than necessary, for the films are now being fructified and setting up to roll.

Good night and love to all …

Amitabh Bachchan