I am a loss a loss for words, for ideas and for what needs to go on the post today

Jalsa , Mumbai          Nov  14/15 ,  2011              Mon/Tue  1 : 31 AM

 I am a loss .. a loss for words, for ideas and for what needs to go on the post today. I sit and think and wonder what must today be about. I need it to be interesting and honest and frank, so I spend more than the time that is required for such pastime. Nothing comes. Sometimes nothing comes from having too much – too much of what might be expressed or put forth. Do I really have too much within ? Enough to perhaps not have anything to express ? Oh ! dear ! that would be a disaster would it not ? Surely there must be some topic to write on, to ruminate, and expect that those that visit here are kept occupied … occupied till the day ends and begins in the morrow …

Nope ! It has not come … and is not near even to any form of expression. I look at my desk for pointers. I look at the day gone by for elements that would be suitable to write about but .. no ! There are just none !

A shame really .. for I have been acknowledged time and gain by the naysayers on the consistency of my writing and their surprise on how this can be achieved day after day for  .. how long is it ..? Ah ! yes DAY 1305 ! Thats a lot of time. But today it is disappointing ! There is still nothing that has entered the cells that are commonly known as the most complex creation of nature !

I could though talk about my crooked and tilted stepping out of the bed each morning. Yup ! the body takes a while to straighten out each day. And in the mornings it is angular and labored, resisting pain and barely movable. But remarkably as the mind takes over, each little muscle and cell in the system begins to fall into place until, yes … that shower starts. The warmth of its initial presence and then after it has been soaped and washed away the freshness of the cold that tingles all the senses in the body to awaken and justify their presence in this world .. to look out with hope and reassurance … to perform and to deliver what we have been made out to be … !!

The toweling that brushes past your chest and legs, the drying up, the scrub, the combing of the hair, that spray of perfume and finally the dress for the day .. all in one great big unison .. a routine that has been with you for ages. A final look, a time for divinity … the blessings sought from the scriptures .. time spent in front of the God’s in obeisance, a prayer here a prayer there, along to the 10 Guru’s of Sikhism and the ‘satnaam vahe guru’ to them in reverence, as they adorn in one large framed picture on the wall of temple ..

Down soon in one rapid presence to my Father’s room .. another revered head touch to his Ramayan, still wrapped in its original covering .. the seeking of strength and protection from the large portraits of my Father by the side of my Mother, her Sikh father and Mother and my grandparents .. to the temple built outside by the wall with his own hands by my Father .. daily does one seek the blessings from all the prominent God’s that adorn the small stone and pebble joined, little crevices or cave like enclosures.

All this at Prateeksha, where I visit after the morning gym at Janak my office just beyond the gates of Jalsa. And then a quick inspection of not just the house but also the paper work from office and on to the rest of the day in facing the world – a world that challenges each moment, that brings fresh issues and significant features to bother and to put you in fear ! But … those that fear in life, do not live a life … and we have been born to live and exist. Face the fear or sleep in peace forever !!

I rant and rattle on without purpose … yet there is some purpose in what transpires. What transpires is a nothing … an empty glass of water … just a glass, with nothing in it to consume … made for consumption, but without merit. Sometimes having no merit is a blessing too. I have been in blessing for long .. and it has not been bad either … you smile perhaps or laugh at my own assumption of the self … but honesty it is, without any holds being barred !!

Sitting with family can be such a great conversational experience … they are all bent down over their BB’s and mobiles communicating to each other, to others, and at times to themselves. An outsider would think it to be most rude and anti socialistic, but here in the walls of the temporary extension there exists no such feel … we are all one – settled, connected and family concerned !!

Lunch a few visits outside the home, a drive to office to meets and back to the remote and channels and different programs – cricket, football, film and cooking and reality shows … all playing simultaneously. No one objects, no one complains, no one raises objection and voice … just a tranquil sit down and apprecuate what one gets kind of attitude … simple and dedicated !!

And as you change into your night gear .. then on to the favorite moment of the … this that you read … you wonder what was it that I started of to say, in here ?? And … I have not the foggiest !! But … look its got to past 900 words !! Thats more than what I have been able to collect in the past few days …

gutten nacht ..

Love to all with immense affection … stay together and in peace !!

Amitabh Bachchan