There is remorse within because I am unable to respond to all that come

Jalsa , Mumbai             Dec 11/12,  2011            Sun/ Mon  2 : 10 AM

There is remorse within because I am unable to respond to all that come on with their warm and affectionate comments. I did try a few today but then the time factor moves in. The innocent reprimands from the Ef of keeping late hours not being healthy, kicks in and I do wish to honor them else I shall have hell to pay. But since the days are filled with no activity these days it is a challenge that I must fulfill soon.

The little one is by God’s grace doing well and we still have not been able to zero in on a name for her. So many suggestions have been forwarded that it is an exercise in management to run through them all and come to a conclusive figure !! But all is not lost. Soon I hope we shall have some unanimity on this and it shall be shared with pride with the Ef, so help me … God !

The late nights are not late. They are now becoming almost a deliberate effort to remain awake, and keep doing something. The rest of the house is asleep, the doors and windows are shut, the lights have been put out, but mine remain. I just feel at times that going to sleep is such a waste of time. Funny ? No really .. I get involved even after I am below the duvet. It is either catching up with the news or a game that I was unable to witness live, or an old film of mine which is being played making me cringe at the performance and say .. ‘Gosh ! How awful, wish I could get back there again and rectify it !’. It is after deep contemplation that eventually the head shall rest its anxious carrier on pillow and even then, its either the clock, or the mobile, or simply the roof above that starts to build stories in my mind. Images that form from nowhere, that relate to a vision of desired moment, stories that have no meaning but still float above my brain to occupy this time that has been available to it .. It is strange but true .. !! And yes .. the mid night snack, or to be more precise in my case, the post midnight snack is always a welcome delight. Its raw peanuts today and I have just gorged on a handful of them – salted fresh and crunchy !! There are some cookies too, with the delightful presence of chocolate within, but since chocolate has been struck off my list of voluntary eats, I can but stare at their delicious beauty and nothing more. Actually no ! I do not lament the fact that I have left these eatables. That is a definite decision and once made remains made, it will and shall not change.

Sounds too are great company. A plane just took off from the International airfield not too far away and as I hear it roar away I picture the scene within. An international destination, the passengers getting ready for a long haul and stretching out to … SLEEP !! Oh dear ! back to sleep again. But it is resisted.

The clicking of the chiming clock nearby in the corner, informing me every quarter of its Westminster Chime and the hourly gong singing the numbers. Its going to be ringing in three times in a moment … ha ha ha .. subtle way of telling you all what time is it , is it not ? But do not worry ! I shall soon end this litany of mine and close the lights and the power to the MacBook Pro, devour my night medication, freshen up the mouth to bear the strain of a long night, pillow underneath the leg, another at the back, setting the mobil alarm for the morning routine, a quick push of the hand underneath another pillow by the side, eyes shut and then … imagination !! Until .. it all disappears and begins to come alive again at short intervals – I am told a common feat in people of my age ! So in fact if I may summarize, we, that is people and elders of my age, have sleep sessions that last approximately a couple of hours. This is a given .. a pattern. So accept it as a process and live …

So the iPhone 4 has been charged, the BBerry will be charged on another contraption and the Nokia shall keep me abreast of all the ‘conversations’ and messages throughout. There are generous comments that start from the early hours. Life connected adages, sayings of great prophets and soothsayers, home made ‘shairi’, or poetic interventions, people desirous of meets, complaints, ‘pick up the phone’ instructions, seekers of guidance on how to join in on this profession, script ideas … an endless number that needs to be monitored evaluated and attended to ..

So … methinks it is time now to follow all that I have been clamoring about as another roar of a plane drowns my thoughts …

My love to you in abundance ..

And a gentle prayer for Kashmira, who I am told is unwell and in hospital .. get well soon dear lady and come and join us again ..

Amitabh Bachchan